Friday, May 13, 2011

Dig Deep - Even When It Hurts

I wrote a chapter recently in my current WIP. It was hard to write this chapter. Very Hard. It involved a young boy being severely abused. The character abusing the boy was his Aunt's boyfriend. 
This boy has had a very tough life. His parents are both in prison. He is an outcast. He lives in a rural community where people take care of their own. It's a place where people keep things private and people keep their mouths closed and mind their own business.
The place this boy lives is the home of my childhood.
I see what is ahead of him. I feel badly for all this boy is going to go through. I think it will end well for him... But I'm not certain of it. I identify with this boy because of what he has in common with me. Not every aspect. it's not a one for one exchange but it is close enough to hurt.

Why do I share this with you? Because, I have avoided digging this deep to pull out of myself the words and descriptions that make my heart ache. To put myself emotionally into the words and events. It's scary and depressing. I don't like it. I'm struggling to get through some of the scenes. I want to stop. 
But I don't.

I don't stop because it is true and real and good. It is honest in a way my fantasy writing is not. It is therapeutic in a way unlike anything I have ever before experienced. The words tumble easily at times. The visualization in my mind is crisp and clear. It scares me. I can almost smell the blood as it hits the floor. I feel the blows delivered.
Even with all these things, I still feel my self avoiding it. I procrastinate. I spend time tweeting or blogging. I jump over to check Facebook. I try to do any number of things to avoid going back into that dark place.
I eventually find it within me to write a few pages. I dive in and I write. It feels like I am deep diving into frigid Arctic waters without a wet suit or air tanks. I can only stay down so long and then I retreat back to the light and warmth that isn't the story.

Challenge yourself. Find the thing that connects with you on a personal level and write about it. Make a short story or an essay. Make it all up. Do whatever you feel like doing as long as it is honest and pushes you beyond where you thought you could go.
You will like it when you see what you have produced. I promise.

Until next time.... WRITE!

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